11.Question: My mentee has recently begun asking me questions about having sex with his girlfriend. How do I help him understand the dangers of being sexually active and the benefits of abstinence?

If you begin to moralize or preach about the dangers of sexual promiscuity, you may make your mentee defensive, and he/she may become closed to your input. Since many youth today begin to experiment with sex by the time they are 13 or 14, it is important to be available to help them be safe, if they are not willing to consider abstinence. Here are some questions you might want to consider. Don't cross-examine your mentee by asking them all. Hopefully, one or two will begin a dialogue. Simply having the discussion will often make your mentee more conscientious about their behavior.

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Second, explore what they know about protecting themselves, by asking further questions.

• Do you know how to protect yourself against pregnancy and infection?
• Would you like to do some research on this?
• Are you emotionally and financially ready to accept the consequences of pregnancy or disease?

Ask your mentee if he/she would like to get more information about their options. If your mentee is emotionally or morally conflicted, you can help them decide where to go for more help.

• Do you have a counselor that you trust to bring this up with?
• Is this the kind of thing you can discuss with your parents?
• Is the minister at your church available to you?

If you can't quite overcome your discomfort, don't worry about it. The discussion is what is important and being honest about your awkward feelings shows your child how to face difficult situations. It's okay to say something like, "You know, I'm uncomfortable talking about sex because my parents never talked with me about it. But I want us to be able to talk about anything - including sex - so please come to me if you have any questions. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find out."

And, finally, don't worry about knowing all the answers to your mentee's questions; what you know is a lot less important than how you respond. While discussions about sex can, at first, feel awkward, try not to let this be an excuse to close off conversation.

Try this little quiz and find out. Some of the answers may surprise you:

1. What percentage of girls who have a baby prior to the age of 17 complete high school?
a) 25 b) 50 c) 75 d) 90

2. Pregnant teens have _____ risk of pregnancy complications as compared to women in their twenties.
a) a lower b) the same c) 2-3 times higher d) 4-5 times higher

3. Nearly ___ percent of teen mothers eventually go on welfare.
a) 14 b) 28 c) 55 d) 80

4. ___ Percent of American teens experience Pregnancy*
a) 10 b) 20 c) 40 d) 55

5. The rate of American Teens that experience pregnancy has ___ since 1985
a) increased b) decreased

6. Junior high age boys account for what percentage of births among junior high age girls?
a) 7% b) 15% c) 47% d) 83%

7. Men older than high school age account for what percentage of births among girls age 16-18?
a) 13% b) 24% c) 38% d) 77%

8. What percentage of U.S. parents support the provision of sexuality education in schools?
a) 33% b) 45% c) 60% d) 85%

9. Between 1981 and 1987, the number of A.I.D.S. deaths for young people age 15-26 increased by a factor of____.
a) 2 b) 5 c) 10 d) 100

10. What percentage of sexually active teens contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD) each year?
a) 2% b) 10% c) 17% d) 24%

11. After they become sexually active, teens wait _____, or longer, before using contraceptives.
a) one month b) six months c) nine months d) one year

*Among sexually experienced teens, approximately eight percent of 14 year olds, 18 percent of 15-17 year olds, and 22 percent of 18-19 year olds become pregnant each year.