A mentor writes:
"... my mentee asked me what I thought about what happened to the
World Trade Center and I don't know if I handled it properly. I told him that I was angry at the people who did this and
sad for the families of the people who lost their lives. I also said that at this time we should all band together and
support our leaders who are trying to find the people who did this and bring them to justice. What else could I have said?"
Response - Here are some things you can do:
You did well to express your feelings. By doing so you modeled that it's okay. Did you ask him about his feelings? Sometimes
a child will hold back and not express them unless asked. If you do so, then be accepting and supportive of whatever he comes
up with. You should encourage your mentee to talk about it, but don't be pushy. Some will want to talk and others will
need time, and still others aren't ready to connect with it at all. A lot will depend upon their age and level of maturity.
If your mentee opens up, be prepared to listen as long as it takes. Teens will usually not share their true fears and
anxieties right off the bat.
You may also want to assure your mentee about safety. This was definitely a fearful, hateful attack on the United States and all of us are feeling a bit wounded by it right now. However, our government leaders, teachers and other caring adults are doing everything they can to make things safer. While we can never guarantee that something like this won't happen to us more directly, the chances are extremely slim.
To be proactive you might want to help your mentee be a part of the healing. Talk about contributing a few dollars to the relief effort, or giving blood together (must be over 17 years old) or doing something else to help. This can contribute to a feeling of empowerment in a time when we're all feeling a little bit smaller and a little bit more vulnerable. A teacher that we know had his students all write three letters: one to the victims; one to the terrorists; and one to themselves. (He told us that the students had the most difficult time with the one to themselves.)
Also, be sure to point out how people are coming together in this crisis, and maybe plant a seed that he can be a part of a more peaceful future and create a world where it doesn't take a major disaster for people to care for each other.
If you feel that your mentee needs additional counseling from a professional. don't hesitate to talk to your program coordinator.
Here are some age appropriate tips:
Younger kids: Do not assume that they don't know what's going on. Be honest with them without going into a lot of detail. Talk about safety and reassure them that adults are working to make things better. Encourage them to watch something else on TV.
Middle School Age: These are the in-between ages. Gauge their level of interest and sophistication. If they want to talk about it then ask them what they've heard and where they are getting their information. They will most likely want details. Try to answer their questions, but don't overwhelm them. This age group is more likely than others to use joking or acting out to hide their anxiety.
High School: Engage them with a specific event and see how they react. Be prepared to listen for as long as they are willing to talk. Allow them to express their political beliefs and be willing to engage in discussion. What you don't want to do is force your beliefs on your mentee. While it's okay to share them, it's better to hear your mentee out and ask questions to help him develop his own opinions. Also, be careful to avoid placing blame on a whole group of people.
Some teens may also just block out the whole thing or go into denial that anything serious has happened, or that they care. This is often to conceal real fears and anxiety. This may surface in feelings that they can't identify. You may want to offer: "If you have any feelings come up that you don't know where they are coming from, please feel free to call me." You may also be able to engage them by asking a hypothetical such as: "What advice would you give to someone who is having a hard time dealing with this? How do you think they are feeling."
Finally: Regardless of what you say or do: The most significant thing you can do is simply to be there. It's difficult to express just how valuable your presence is even when a young person is not able to talk about things. Knowing that people like you exist and care about them adds a sense of security that is so needed in times like this.
